i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
