sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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