I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
