So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
