Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She said her name was "party"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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