She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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