in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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