I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
