since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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