Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
