I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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