What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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