im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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