they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i will never coherently bang her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
this is an emotional support booty call
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
