I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
