i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
