I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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