Don't make out with my wife yet
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Houston, we have a blender
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
