she looked like the bat from fern gully.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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