I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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