You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
