i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
