i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
