We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
