She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
