5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pants are for mortals
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
