Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
