Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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