oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
