you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize