I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
