what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
