her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
