Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
