Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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