I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
