I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
