My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize