Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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