hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
