I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
