Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
