chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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