i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
