for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
