chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I look better un-naked...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
