Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
