Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
