Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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