PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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