I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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