No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's never too late to be topless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
