I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
