the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
