after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
