I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
