worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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