Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
