I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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