I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
