I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
