moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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