I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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