i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
