You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
