don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
