shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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