it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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