you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
