After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
