grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
