I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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