Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
