I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
