i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
