Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
