so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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