remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
