i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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