I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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